Althorp

I was very privileged today to have a private viewing of Althorp.

The staff had started decorating the house for Christmas with an enormous tree in the hall, the house was warm and very cosy, you felt you could have snuggled up in a chair in front of a fire and read a book. Yet the art, the books the paintings were to die for, I felt so clever that I could name the Reynolds and Gainsboroughs, but what of the many other paintings, each jostling for your attention on every wall. I wished we were in an Harry Potter book and the people in the paintings could have moved and talked to me. At the top of the stairs was a charming portrait of the Princess of Wales, and the odd photograph of her on side tables holding Prince William as a baby. Yet the house is very grand, the state bedrooms are opulent, and have been graced by the presence of many monarchs in the 500 years history of the family and house from William of Orange to George V, and of course their own Royal Princess.

More Than Good Manners looks forward to hosting many guests' stays at Althorp, everything was perfect, run by an amazing team of devoted staff, who feel very much part of the Althorp family.

Never Ever

There are certain things that you should do in life, and certain things you should never do. One of the things you should never do is to eat and drink whilst walking down the street. It just looks awful, Nancy Mitford would say non-U, and my grandmother would have a fit. It seems to be socially acceptable today, but it is not. Even if you think you are starving, don't do it.

Deportment

A definition of Deportment is " a manner of personal conduct, behaviour, the art of moving gracefully"
I was very fortunate to receive my degree from the Chancellor of Durham University, Dame Margot Fonteyn de Arias., " prima ballerina assoluta". She sat with a straight back on the edge of her chair, her head high, and then floated to her feet, moving forward to present each of us with our scroll and to shake our hands. She was poised, elegant and graceful. This can be learnt. I will quote from "The Elegant Lady";
"The right posture is a delicate balance of a straight back which is properly aligned with the head, with your chin neither too low nor too high. Your feet are somewhat apart, your stomach held in, shoulders back and down, arms to the side. This posture is formed by training, exercise and maintained by habit"

How can you learn poise? By taking good old fashioned deportment lessons( contact veronica@morethangoodmanners.com for more information) , pilates classes, ballet and ballroom dancing lessons. Your muscles need to be retrained, it will feel an effort to begin with to hold your shoulders back and your head up, but it will become easier. It is fascinating that your posture is also a reflection of your state of mind, if you are suffering from stress you will tend to hunch your shoulders, yet if we arrange ourselves physically in a positive manner as above then this will improve your mental attitude.

Not only is deportment an attitude of physical poise but also mental poise, a balance of self confidence, positive attitude, well dressed appearance, graceful movements and of course good manners.

As an aside I have taken up ballet again, after a 30 year gap, after my lesson I just glow with happiness, and I think how lucky I was to shake the hand of Dame Margot Fonteyn de Arias.

Past Pleasures

I had a very enjoyable lunch with Mark Wallis at the British Museum last week. His company brings history to life, it is the oldest professional costumed live interpretation company in the UK. Which means that not only do the "interpreters" wear historically accurate costumes but they also know everything that this historical character would have known. So for example Henry V111, would know all the names of his wives, his foreign policy, whose head he had cut off that week, his knowledge as a renaissance man, and even would know how to walk, talk and dance as a Royal Tudor King. So as an historian I find it fascinating, and rather like the name that the past is a pleasure.

How Not To Wear Black

Well I am addicted to the online magazine "Weekly Wrinkle". Their latest story is based on an article by Jules Standish a colour consultant "How Not To Wear Black". Most of us think that a LBD in our winter wardrobe is de rigueur, but Jules thinks otherwise. " For those women who do not have the right temperament and colouring for black please think again...black will make warm and some cool skin tones older because when up against the face it reflects and highlights all that is dark, shadows around the chin, lines either side of the mouth, dark rings under the eyes" Need I go on.
So what is the answer
Wear a black dress with a low necklne and ensure that your natural skin colour reflects against your face, or wear a wrap or scarf around your neck/shoulders, again to reflect colour on to your face. You will have to read Weekly Wrinkle to find out more. Needless to say my 19 year old daughter looks gorgeous in black

"Stinking Rich"

I went to a fascinating talk last week about family vaults, coffins and mausoleums, and thus learnt where the term "Stinking Rich" came from. To show off the family wealth, aristocratic and landed gentry families often built "wings" ( sorry what is the technical term? ) on to their parish church, and below them vaults to inter the family coffins in very smart mausoleums. This was much smarter than being buried in the churchyard, and it has even been suggested that it would enable the occupants of the tombs to leave their coffins should they have been "interred prematurely" . I don t think this was ever the case, but what was certain was that the tombs were open to the air, and the smell of the decomposing wealthy occupants wafted upwards through the floor boards, to their living relatives above whilst enjoying the Sunday sermon. Thus the term "Stinking Rich"

serviette or napkin

The age long debate, which came to my attention today when someone mentioned a book by Kate Fox called "Watching the English: The Hidden Rules of English Behaviour", it looks at a peculiar tribe of people known as "The English". In one section she lists certain words that if used by someone can identify them as a member of a specific class - "serviette" is one of those words which automatically flags up the person as working class. It can be argued ( very poorly I think) that it would be inappropriate to ask for a napkin in Mac Donalds ( if your are ever brave enough to eat there, I always have a tummy ache within an hour of eating a cheese burger meal), that the staff would only know the word serviette.
But I have to say that it is always a napkin, and if it is made out of paper then it is a paper napkin. Nancy Mitford in the 1950 s was absolutely clear that "table napkin" was the proper term and was probably the best known of all linguistic class indicators of the English language. She was supported soon afterwards by John Betjeman's poem "How To Get on In Society" which is very much a tongue in cheeck look at English society. ie everything you should never say " You kiddies have crumpled the serviettes" is such an example.

But my main point is that whatever your fellow dining guests says, napkin, table napkin or serviette, never make them feel uncomfortable in the choice of their words, that is always the worst sort of manners.

" The Curse of the Red Bikini"

How strange that my blog of yesterday is followed today in The Times 2 with a lead article about Helen Mirren and her red bikini. Helen Mirren is promoting her new film "The Debt" and so of course the press have found the 2008 bikini pictures and are publishing them, again.
"I know! It s everywhere! again!... I hope they don' t print that bikini photo with my obiturary " Helen told the Times.
Well I have a feeling that they will ! What joy to all ladies of a certain age that you can still be considered beautiful and sexy.

"Do I Look Good In This ?"

Each week I am sent an email magazine called "Weekly Wrinkle". It is full of wonderful ideas and tips for ladies of a certain age, very much "Wisdom for women in just a few lines".
This week one of the topics under discussion is the eternal question "Do I look good in this ?"
Really don't ask your husband as you will have been invisible to him for a long time. On the whole women admit that they like dressing up for other men to notice them ( in a gentle flirtatious way) and for other women to admire their new outfit/hairstyle/eyelash extensions etc.

But when do we become "Mutton Dressed as Lamb" ?
There comes a time according to a Daily Mail survey when you should stop wearing certain clothes, of course the results vary depending on your body and attitude to life.
Bikini 47 - but what about Dame Helen Mirren and her red bikini at 62.
Mini skirt 35 - yes but ok for longer if worn with opaque tights, and of course depends on the legs.
Excessively high heels 51 - no too young, as long as you don t walk like Dick Emery in drag.
Knee high boots 47 - oh no I love mine.
Leather trousers 35 - oh no I will have to give them to my 19 year old daughter
Leggings 45 - only ever in the gym
Ugg boots 15 - I agree or else you will look like a bag lady
Long hair 53 - it depends on the hair, unkempt grey locks a real no no.
See through anything - always with utter discretion and the correct undergarments.

The list is rather fun and open to much discussion, and I would recommend signing up to the Weekly Wrinkle team

What an achievement. Prague here we come.

Yesterday I ran 5km around Hyde Park to raise money for charity, I had hoped to do it in 25 minutes, but I managed it in 26 minutes, which put me in the fastest 150 or so ladies out of 15,000.
I feel a bit like Andy Murray today, I know I could have done better. I could only run at a "scouts pace" a couple of months ago, so really a huge improvement. So now I have seen that there is a 5km run in Prague next March, made up of teams of 3 ladies, so that is my next goal. I now need to invest in some supportive underwear and running shorts/leggings. I will let you know how I get on.

Should a grown woman wear ankle socks ?

Laura Craik, the Times fashion editor's answer is a very caveating yes. For me the answer is a caveating no, the only 2 caveats are that they can be worn for example when playing tennis or with shoes under trousers, so nobody knows. Or else you will look like you have a sad Lolita fixation.

However, life is unfair, tall, skinny and beautiful people such as Alexa Chung, model and tv personality, "get away with it" and even flaunt them, teamed with chunky platform sandals with 3 inch heels . (the sandal and sock question again) . So unless you look like Alexa, or are about to play tennis then only buy them for your daughter if she is under the age of 10/11. Actually most 10 year olds are too fashion street wise now, and would not be seen dead in a pretty dress with ankle socks !

Autumn is here

I know that summer has ended because I got up last week, at 4.30am to go Autumn hunting with one of my children. Normally at the end of August the mist rises above the fields with the rising sun. This year its just cold and grey. Yet its lovely that old country traditions ( but of course within the law) continue, and one feels very virtuous having ridden for a few hours before most people are out of bed.
Sadly its time to pack the children s trunks, for hair cuts and new pairs of shoes, and of course endless sewing of name tapes. My children have very long names and so they have very long name tapes.

Agatha Christie

I did feel that if Agatha Christie had been at dinner last night, it would not have caused much comment ( well other than she has been dead for sometime). I was at a dinner party at Wiveton Hall in Norfolk, a stunning yet rambling house near the coast. Our host could not have been more charming, and his guests were a very ecletic group, who appeared one at a time from some part of the garden or house. First a man from Kabul, who was involved in hush hush work, then a make up artist, Emma Bridgewater the famous potter( her daughter was at prep school with my son). Then a stunning French Morrocan, a writer, a jewellry designer, Paddy the perfect equerry to rich foreigners in London, and a grandson of Lord Delemere. A few children of various ages came and went, dinner was delicous, local crab and homegrown raspberries. A perfect English summer s evening, other than it was pretty cold, and so the huge log fire was lit once the sun had gone down.
I do hope we have an Indian Summer.

Supermarket Etiquette.

Now please tell me the correct etiquette for queues at the supmarket checkout. There were large queue at all of the open tills ( I was in a well known supermarket begining with T) , when I heard on the tannoy that another till would be opened. So I took a chance and went to the nearest unopened till, and 30 seconds later a lady opened up the till. I was the only customer in that queue, where upon the 2 women in and adjacent queue, pushed in front of me on the grounds that they were already in a queue, but for another till ! I was rather speechless. I think they were queue bargers, what do you think?

Supermarket Etiquette.

Standard and Poor

I think the name Standard and Poor for a credit rating agency is very appropriate, on Friday they downgraded America s AAA rating because the US has shown little resolution in long-term deficit reduction and almost defaulted on its public debt.
While this was going on, I was in a totally different "place" where the standard was never poor, in fact it was incredibly high. We were at the three day side-saddle nationals at Addington Manor. The standard of turnout and horsemanship from the lead rein class ( children can compete at 5 years old) to the "old bats class", for ladies over a certain age, was so high. You have never seen so many beautiful women in their silk top hats, silk veils, cream stocks and kid gloves. It is all part of an old fashioned way of life that these women want to keep, elegance, high standards, more than good manners, even if it is only for a few days. Let me know if you wish to glimpse part of this elegant world

"let this be the last famine of our lifetimes"

The title of Alun Mc Donald s commentary in The Times today, with regard to the famine in the Horn of Africa. Mr Mc Donald feels that it is disgraceful that in the 21st century we are still allowing famines to happen. I agree with him but the world has gone mad. Whilst 2,500 lives are lost each day in Somalia to starvation, in Britain alone we spend £9 million a day on obesity related health issues! There is enough food in the world, but the west eat to much of it, and waste too much of it, whilst parts of Africa struggles with civil wars, lack of rain, corrupt governments and very poor infrastructure. The British public are always generous as pictures of starving children fill the pages of our newspapers, but as Mr Mc Donald points out more investment is needed long term to support agriculture and food production in a region which has enormous potential. Sadly I think it is wishful thinking that this will be the last famine of our lifetime.

Sock or not to sock

The leading article in The Times today is "Fashion Flop". David Cameron was seen on holiday in Italy wearing black leather shoes without socks !! As we know sandals are for children, loafers ( again no socks to be cool) for teenagers and adults , but never sandals with socks, and now never black leather shoes without socks. Had David forgotten his socks or was he making a fashion statement ? What I do know is that it must be very uncomfortable wearing black leather shoes on a hot day without socks, his feet must have been rather moist.

"to take tea"

A confusion has arisen about the correct term for "taking tea". Traditionally one would "take tea" in the afternoon between 3pm and 4pm and so became known as "afternoon tea". Anna Maria Duchess of Bedford 1783 to 1857 is credited as the first person to have transformed "taking tea" into an afternoon meal, she sent cards to her friends inviting them to join her for "tea and walking in the fields", "afternoon tea" spread through fashionable society.
"afternoon tea"is composed of loose tea brewed in a teapot, served in bone china tea cups and accompanied by sandwiches, cuccumber , egg and cress, scones with clotted cream and jam and perhaps a victoria sponge. However, the term "high tea" is sometimes used incorrectly when referring to "afternoon tea", perhaps because some think the word sounds lofty and regal. In fact it is an early evening meal served between 5pm and 7pm by the working classes , consisting of meats, egg, shepherds pie and a heavy cake. It can also refer to a meal that children would eat before they were old enough to stay up for supper or dinner. It is suggested that the term developed as "afternoon tea" was served in the drawing room at a "low " table and "high tea" served at a dining room/kitchen table at a "high" table.

However, I feel to be correct in a very old fashioned way, one should just refer to it as tea. For those in the know, its like talking about riding, and refering to it as "horseback riding", for a fuller explanation please read "How to Get on in Society" by John Betjeman.

end of another era

This is the week of speech and sports days and end of terms, only 3 this week, and for our daughter Flo her last one. What a brilliant day for her, she won the textile prize, read in chapel, won the award for being sacrastant, and looked gorgeous all day. On Thursday Johnny s speech day and then on Saturday Aggie s. ( Tom is now at Durham university, 2 more years till his graduation which will go in a flash)

And I should know by the end of the week about my possible involvement in the Country House Rescue programme. So keep your fingers crossed.

What a week !

This week has been full of contrasts. My beloved seaside house, Rose Cottage Bawdsey was let to friend s grown up daughters for a hen party. Was I stupid or what. The sausages were left on the grill unattended, 10 minutes later a full fat fire with flames up the wall, yet the modern attitude is "not my fault". Well I was shocked but then lo and behold an email from Caroline the producer of the Country House Rescue programme. In need of a new presenter, and I was on the short list of 6 or 7 people ! wow. I spent 2 hours filming with them in Hammersmith yesterday, I went from good to very good and back to fluffing my lines, needing a cup of tea ( but only had a bottle of warm water) and then getting a bit better again. " Could have done better" the report will say but just to have been asked was great, its like someone who has ridden an old nag 3 times in an indoor riding school then attempting a 3 day event, and almost achieving it. Well thats me, what a learning curve !
Well back to real life, changing beds for my bed and breakfast business ( variety the spice of life) and what did I find in this bed but a bottle of tingly spray ! what, how and when I dont want to know

What a weej

A perfect stay

My Mexican lady has returned home. It was fascinating spending a week with her, she loved the afternoon teas in various stately homes, drinks parties, evening racing at Newmarket, a matinee performance of Alan Bennet s " A Lady in a Van", in fact everything that makes a quintessential British experience.

Charming Mexican Lady

Alexandra from Mexico found me on You tube, so I am really internationally famous now, and she is spending a week with me learning about and experiencing traditional British life. The lucky thing for me is that she could not be nicer. Yesterday we looked at Sandringham, no Queen there, then a quick tour of Kings Lynn and then on to a friend's house for "afternoon tea". Today Alexandra had a day learning to make hats with Peter Kingston Yeoul, she made a stunning purple fascinator. And then I took her for a drive in my pony and trap, the evening was lovely. I am having a lovely time with her, I hope she is too.

Ascot in the mud

We were very lucky to have such a beautiful day on tuesday, but by saturday the Royal Enclosure was awash with mud. My shoes and tights were covered in thick brown mud, despite the large quantities of tree bark put down to soak up the rain. And rain it did. So I wore my ankle length pink tweed coat, at my age warmth is more important than glamour.
But talking of age and stamina, only the Queen and the D of E were present from the Royal Family on the last day, the rest too exhausted, whilst the 85 and 90 year olds held the fort.
It was great fun going with my girls, who looked gorgeous , and some old friends. We all did so well on the betting, I was £25 up on the day !
Glorious Mud

Royal Ascot

Princess Anne was in the Royal Enclosure today, again looking very elegant. She had not come in the Queen s royal carriage procession from Windsor Castle, as all the carriages looked full of the Royal family, from the Duke of Edingburgh who received a large birthday cheer, to the two Princesses of York.

I was there to host a lovely group of charming Dutch guests in the Royal Enclosure. I won £11 on the first race, had a delicious lunch, saw some old friends, was interviewed on tv about my hat and outfit, ( designers Peter Kingston Yeoul and Mary Bolton respectively) and only came home with one blister.

The Suffolk Show and The Princess Royal

Each year my daughter rides at the Suffolk show in the side saddle class. But this year we had the first day to wander around the show ground ( and tomorrow she will be riding). Well I had my summer dress and elegant hat on, when suddenly a large group of journalists and camera men starting filming me, some running ahead, others walking backwards as they filmed. I thought, they must really like my hat, but then the penny dropped, they were interested in the person behind me. So I stopped, turned around and 3 feet behind me was the Princess Royal, I stepped aside and smiled, and she smiled a lovely smile back. You dont realise seeing her on television how pretty and elegant she is in real life.

Persian film company

No rest for the wicked, so straight back from my epic journey along the border of Scotland , to another day of filming. This time a charming Persian film crew, the model who had never ridden before, learnt to ride side saddle ! drink her tea like a lady, arrange flowers, shoot, eat a 4 course dinner, a very busy but happy day. I cant wait to see the results.

Hadrians Wall

Well for a little rest after my epic 8 day garden tour I decided to walk Hadrian s wall. I did not have walking shoes or waterproof trousers. We endured horizontal sleet and hail. After that I bought waterproof trousers and walking shoes. Sadly all the pubs and cafe s were shut on a Monday, the sleeting, hailing day, I would go again but not on a Monday.

Garden Tour

What a very busy few weeks, I need to blog more often as I have now created a blog backlog.

For 8 days 20 lovely German guests followed me around 24 amazing Suffolk and Norfolk private gardens and houses. they were introduced to a Duchess, Countess and Lords, they looked around houses with ghosts , gardens with rhododendrons , and charming cottages in secluded woods where the "three bears" obviously live. The work, love and attention to detail of all these gardeners who were kind enough to share their work with my clients was impressive.
My lovely German guests very kindly gave me a yellow rose in a pot with a big yellow ribbon as a thank you. I forgot to tell them that yellow roses are my favourite. An added bonus was the translator Victoria, who accompanied the group, a star and now new friend

Been up to alot

Just before the Royal Wedding I spent a day filming Manners and Etiquette with a German film company, have a look at the result http://www.hyperimaging.com/MTGM/englandannemarie.avi
We had a great time at Sennowe practising our curtseys to the Queen, you never know when you will need such skills.

Historic Houses Association

Opportunities and Hurdles

I was invited to speak at Eastnor Castle to the members of the HHA last week. I was very glad that Edward Perry from Knowsley Hall spoke after me, as he was rather good. It was a fascinating day, the custodians of these historic houses are looking for different ways to diversify and create more income from their stately piles. More Than Good Manners can offer access to international clients, which takes time, effort and continuous promotion. The audience were kind and did laugh and clap at the appropriate moments. An added bonus of the day, was to meet lots of old friends and cousins.

Back from New York

What impressed me, was how efficient the service was in our hotel, ( the Affinia Dumont east 34th st ) we were even given a $ discount for every push up we could do in 30 seconds. I managed 18 !
Charming people everywhere, great shops and wonderful art galleries. We had an hour to enjoy the Fricks Gallery, my family painting of Salisbury Cathedral by John Constable is there, we sold it in 1894, sadly, but I did enjoy standing in front of it, and felt the full circle of history.

I hope to return to New York again next year, a magical place.

New York

Well done Christine, we now have a full diary for our trip to New York. We did re arrange one meeting with a client, who quite rightly pointed out "is this good manners" ! But really looking forward to the trip, can one have breakfast at Tiffany's ?

Off to America

More Than Good Manners is off to New York in March to meet the top tour operators and travel agents on the East Coast. Christine, my new PA, and I make a great team. Our appointment diary is now looking quite full. The question is, will it be cold enough in March to wear Granny s glamorous, but old mink coat with its new pink lining ?